Ladies, we have all been there. You’re out at a bar with your girlfriends and some guy comes over to hit on you and buy you a drink.
Maybe you just aren’t wanting to get hit on or maybe you can already tell that you won’t like this dude in a million years. Whatever your reason, you want this dude to skedaddle.
Well, baby muskrat, don’t fret.
I have 15 sure fire ways to make damn sure this f***boy never wants to talk to you again.
Get excited, muffins. You’re about to get a lifetime o’ knowledge from ya gurl.
1) Tell him that you’re not interested
… and when that doesn’t work, because it won’t, try 2-15.
2) Act like it is too loud in the bar & you can’t hear anything that he’s saying
3) Tell him you’re a hardcore lesbian
Make out with your best friend if he doesn’t believe you. Don’t worry, we all know you have done this before, so just do it.
4) Pretend your guy friend/a male bartender is your boyfriend
They usually can tell what’s going on and swoop in to save the day. And then you’ll probably get a free “sympathy drink” out of it.
5) When he asks for your number, tell him you’re taking a “step back” from technology
And then proceed to take 86 Boomerangs with your girl friends right in his line of sight.
6) Act like your Mobster father will slice his wee-wee off if he continues to talk to you
When really your dad runs a deli and might slap him with some turkey meat.
7) Tell him you are pregnant
Bonus points if you say it’s the Devil’s child.
8) When he asks what kind of shot you want, tell him shots give you the runs
He’ll probably be wondering if you have a dick, since “girls don’t poop”.
9) Contort your face into the ugliest possible shape it can get itself into
The more chins the better.
10) When he attempts to poke your booty in order to dance with you, bump back into him so hard with the attempt of trying to break his thingy off
That’ll teach him to rub his half-chub on your goodies.
11) Tell him you’re saving yourself for Channing Tatum
More specifically, the Magic Mike version.
12) Tell him your dog/cat wouldn’t like him as a person
And we all know that their opinion is of the utmost importance.
13) Irish Goodbye
This wonderful strategy is when you tell him you have to pee and make a freaking break for it out the back door.
14) Continuously avoid making eye contact with him
But let’s be honest.. they don’t get this hint either.
15) Hiss at him and run away on all fours
And then probably get kicked out for being on acid.
And ladies, that’s all she wrote. I guarantee you said f***boy won’t talk to you if you use any of these strategies.
He will probably just think you’re batshit crazy.
But aren’t we all?
Leave me your comments and tell me the other ways you have managed to scare the crap-ola out of a f***boy so I can laugh at their stupidity with you.
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Pugs and pisses,
A Millennial’s Monologue